Sunday, October 02, 2005

"He has nothing to say!"

"He has nothing to say!" - Fellini's 8 1/2

Bleak grants a rare interview to members of the press.

Q. Would you say your views are more fascistic or white suprema--
Q. Why don't you write love stories?
Q. Would you say that centralized government is the best approach to the devastation in New Orleans, or do you simply not care?
Bleak. Well, first, I--
Q. Do you favor Internet pornography and if not why are you against constitutional free expression and if so why do you despise women?
Q. Which fashions do you feel best reflect the temper of our--
Q. Do you ever consider that your opinions hurt many people?
Q. How much of your writing is drawn from a sordid past, how much from depraved fantasy?
A. Well, I'd like--
Q. Should intelligent design be taught in our sex education classes?
Q. How does your blog empower women?
Q. What makes you think what you have to say is important to anyone?
Q. Why don't you devote more attention to serious social prob--
Q. Why do you keep ignoring my--
A. Really, I think--
Q. Whither humanity?
Q. Where were you on the night of the 20th?
Q. Stuck in a dead-end, low-paying job?
Q. Why are you consistently wrong on the major questions of our time?
Q. Have you no shame?
Q. What sort of a tie is that?
A. If you'll just --
Q. How can we believe you when you clearly lied in your seventh year?
Q. Don't you remember those warm nights of tropical splendor?
Q. When will you provide alibis for the five nights in 1976 unaccounted for?
Q. Have you read all of these books?
Q. Wouldn't it be fair to characterize your leanings as sordidly anti-communist?
Q. Why won't you answer women's questions?
A. Please. If I could take these one at a time, I'm sure--
Q. As sure as you were the last time you evaded public scrutiny?
Q. Why won't you release your medical records? Something to hide?
Q. Where's my mommy?
Q. It's a simple question: Are you pro-God or against religious fanaticism?
Q. Don't you think the public has a right to know?
A. I think I'm feeling faint...
Q. Who was that lady I saw you with last night?
Q. Did you really mean those things you said to me in college?
Q. Perhaps this will refresh your memory?
(Muffled gasps, scattered screams.)
Q. Do you think your behavior unsuspicious?
Q. Where did he go?
Q. He's not over here.
Q. Nor here.
Q. Wait. Is that Tom Cruise over there?
Q. No. It's Marcello Mastroiani.