Thursday, October 20, 2005

First, A Word From Our Sponsors

Gallant Percy, handsomely resplendant in his uniform, and just back from that horrid war, sat and gazed pensively out at the limitless sea, as I thought upon his vow, made upon a moonlit night so many months ago, that we should be wed upon his return. Yet he seemed strangely pensive and quiet now, as though he were elsewhere, or as though he were nowhere in particular, and I began to wonder, as he reclined in utter stillness and the hours passed, What am I, a boiled cabbage? I knew that my hair was perfectly in place, I knew that my beauty was undiminished, I knew that my stylishly windswept garments flew elegantly from my raised arms, I knew that my tiny feet in their special shoes were set slightly askew in a most charming way -- all as I had long planned it -- but somehow the perfect magic of the moment was lost on Percy, who gave me but the faintest of vague looks before turning his head away once again. Tears welled in my sky-blue eyes as I wondered: Have I made some dreadful fashion faux pas? Does Percy dream of some seductive schemer met briefly yet passionately on some distant field of battle? Are the shapely curves of my body no longer of interest to him? Must I resort to marrying the younger Whipsnackle son, with his artistic airs and lack of prospects; or dashing young Gabriel Blickmere, with his wanton ways and love of fast automobiles?

But later that day, as Lady Fay prattled on about her youth and her many suitors, one word emerged from her garbled tales of enchanting her young admirers, who, to hear the old baggage tell it, came from miles distant to slaver at her feet. And that word was -- Luxite!

But of course! The crucial element missing from my ensemble, the single lacking variable that would render my presentation as shapely as the curves of my figure, was Luxite Hosiery! I leaped up, pushing back the tea tray and sending Lady Fay tumbling from her chair and down the steps into the rosebush. At once I was certain and without care!

Yes, you've guessed the rest. Percy and I have married, and every day is a blissfully romantic interlude in Paradise itself. Thanks to...Luxite Hosiery.