Thursday, July 21, 2005

A New Comments Policy

The H. Coyly Advisory Committee do not enjoy exercising arbitrary power; far from it. The exercise of arbitrary power could conceivably impact the lives of dozens; the enjoyment of it would be quite unseemly. Nevertheless, the HCAC does exist for a reason, and one of those is to pad expense accounts. And without the occasional exercise of arbitrary power, the impression might easily obtain that the HCAC does precisely nothing. This is far, far from the case, and certified documentary evidence can be provided at a moment's notice to qualified, accredited, and bonded individuals for purposes of professional vindication, should anyone with the appropriate credentials wish to go through a virtual mountain of paperwork in eensy weensy type.

The, uh, impressive level of traffic on the HC blogsite, as well as the conspicuous nattering in the Comments section, has already led the folks at Bleak Management to incorporate a number of upgrades, including, but hardly limited to, a new bioelectrolytic conversion regenerator on the grounds of Bleak Center, in addition to the construction of additional washroom facilities for your comfort, reasonably priced roadside repair services, and novelty attractions suitable for the whole family. But we cannot rest on self-congratulations, however considerable. And it has come to HCAC's attention that changing circumstances in the content of the Comments site demand a New Policy.

We therefore request (before, a word to the wise, less subtle tactics become necessary) that Readers give priority in their Comments to subjects according to the following priorities:

  • A keen marketing firm (known about the office, ha ha, as a dull marketing limp) has detected marked tendencies in recent Comments. The Comments site has, in large part, recently become something of an unofficial organ for the (highly) scattered bonzophile community, with watchwords, catchphrases, obscure references, and other Bonzos trivia making up a goodly proportion of our correspondence. We wish to encourage this trend. We urge readers -- and even writers! -- to continue this practice, at least until every Bonzos lyric and "inside" reference has been exhausted many times over. Please note that none of this activity, which should be diverse and varied, will be reflected in the blog entries, which will continue in their usual remote, one might almost say oblivious, manner. No bonzophile should pay the slightest attention to blog topics in addressing any Comments.
  • Those unfamiliar with the Bonzos (cf., the GingerGeezer link at the blogsite, which can provide links that speak of many things), those overtly hostile to them, and those indifferent to anything beyond their own petty selfish desires, may feel left out. First, HCAC would like to reassure them that that's too damn bad. In order to salve any wounded feelings, we would like to encourage all non-Bonzo Comments to be entirely irrelevant to whatever blog topic has Bleak all worked into a lather on that day, or any day. "The irrelevanter, the betterer," is our catchy slogan.
  • On-topic Comments will of course be given every consideration, if our lowest, rather pathetic, priority status. We simply ask our readers to stop and consider, before posting a relevant Comment: "Is this relevant Comment truly necessary? Is it really worth the bother? Wouldn't an off-the-wall extracontextual Comment serve just as well, if not better? Do I really want to let everyone down, and have them think I'm a jerk for discussing 'issues,' just like every other thumbsucking blogreader in Christendom?" We hope that your answer to yourself will be, "By God, I think not!" Still, if you must, you must. We're here to service.
  • Comments really ought to be limited to 10,000 words. We must insist that all submissions have individual words separated by spaces, and that minimal punctuation be used. Also, let's try to save those multiple exclamation points for the next sporting event riot or argument with your significant other.
  • Further rules to follow, as HCAC continues to meet for drinks, raucous laughter, and inappropriate remarks that will be regretted the next morning. But Ms. Mole will be taking notes to help construct future policies.