Saturday, April 09, 2005

Q. and A., Q. Abstaining

Q. is being difficult these days, something about being an Investigative Journalist, it isn't easy you know, I have expenses, you can't treat me like this, blah, blah. His type are a dime a dozen, or would be if anyone were buying, and I don't hear any registers ringing. Meanwhile, A. has been cooperative to the point of limp compliance, and we're reproducing a few of his recent contributions. (Q. can sulk all he likes. He'll be back.)
A. Well, it has to do with a structural dichotomy implicit in the assumptions, doesn't it?
A. In a pinch, I'd have to say Johnny Hodges, but I'd put in a word for Ben Webster, too.
A. I won't dignify that with a response.
A. Baltimore, possibly, but definitely not Key West.
A. Thirty lashes, if you can credit that figure. Accounts were ambiguous on this score.
A. She's been reclusive lately, though this might just be her roundabout way of stirring up publicity. But the photographs are definitely fakes, there's an inconsistency for instance between the size of her left foot (can we cut to the photo?) and the angular tilt of the hat. We have every reason to assume they're in roughly the same visual frame, but geometric inferences would make the hat twenty-seven feet wide, an obvious absurdity. Also note that she would have had to transport her backyard swimming-pool to approximately two-thirds of the way up the Eiffel Tower, presumably with the help of that dirigible to the right, which seems to have several cacti dangling from its rudder.
A. Oh, that would have been Sam Jaffee, right? One of my favorite movies.
A. Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and the other to pry him out. Yes, I know, but I'm just reading what it says here.
A. Full fathom five.
A. Northampton, take that for what it's worth. All right, it's true, but let's not try to insinuate untoward doings into minimal information. Besides, I'll be back on, I should say, Tuesday. If there are any further questions, you can take them up with my attorney, or take them up with the mirror, for all I care. What a nuisance.